What makes me think it'll be different? Well, mostly because I've decided that it's time that I get serious and focus, and also because I finally completed a goal of mine I set back in 2003--to win NaNoWriMo. That first year I tried and bit the dust hard. The years after that were split between not trying at all, and half-heartedly trying that quickly died off when I couldn't quite get into the story. In 2009, I got a rough start but forced it to work for the first few days, and then gave up because it felt so forced.
And then, about the 15th I took another look at it and thought about how many things I've left uncompleted in my life and decided that I could and would win nanowrimo. I wrote like crazy and managed to write the last 39k in 15 days. I discovered that I could write 5k+ in a day-twice as much as anything I'd previously done-and that, even though I was rushing through the story and it's got some large plot holes and needs a lot of editing and rewriting and my punctuation needs work, I really felt like it could be a decent novel. Despite all the work that I know it still needs, I can now look at that and think hey, I actually wrote something with a semi-coherent plot that I think I'd read if I found it in a bookstore.
My grandfather used to tell me that I could do anything I wanted to. High praise coming from my grandfather who could be quite blunt, even about his grandchildren, and I believe what he told me. Oh, I've felt like a failure before and had plenty of moments of self doubt, but it's always been about things that I haven't done--that I didn't do my best, that I didn't finish something, that I didn't listen when I had the chance--but I've always felt capable of doing anything that I truly set my mind to, yet rarely have I truly focused myself. Maybe I've been afraid that if I tried and failed it would shatter my illusion of self-confidence, or maybe I'm just easily bored and enjoy the search for something new. Maybe something of both.
At any rate, I've decided that 2YN is something I want to stick with through the end this time around, even if I get hung up on some spots and then have to rush to catch up. This time things will be different. If you'd like to take a look at my project, it can be found here. (Not sure if you can view it or not without being logged in to the FM site)
